Attributes (What It Looks Like)
be heard, gossip, tell stories, share, comment, be informed, talk, make a point, be listened to
The Ugly (When the Need Is Not Getting Met)
You may…
get frustrated with others
feel as if no one is listening to you
feel alone, out of the loop or bottled up
be desperate to talk to anyone
act sarcastically, angry or withdrawn
be short with people
be hurtful when making comments to or about others
participate in gossip about others
act out by interrupting others to make yourself heard
Tip to Get this Need Met Appropriately
It’s human nature to seek out those like us and for many people who spend long hours in an office or at work, it’s common to bond with those who are sharing that experience, particularly if you have similar grievances. Since we spend so much of our time in our workplaces, it comes quite naturally to many of us to get our needs met there, too. In the case of the need for communication, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of doing this.
In terms of what is appropriate, keep in mind the three Cs: courteous, clear and consistent. No matter how you communicate (in person, by phone or by e-mail), you will gain much more respect if you are courteous in your manner, clear in your words and consistent in your message.
Although gossip is something that some people would dismiss as trivial, many people are coming around to the idea that gossip is harmful and unproductive. At it’s heart, gossip is really an attack on another person, often stemming from the originator’s own lack of self-esteem. Gossip is a fear-based behavior growing out of people’s needs for acceptance and self-protection and their inability to take responsibility for their own actions. In the attempt to get the need for communication met, it’s easy to fall into the trap about gossiping about others, but ultimately everyone loses. It doesn’t serve you in any way nor will it help you to maintain your personal integrity. Additionally, nothing can sink your reputation and your career faster than some ill-chosen words spoken to the wrong person.
As with other needs, it is important to try to vary the way in which you get your need for communication met. Be sure to have friends and contacts in other aspects of your life that are not involved in your work. While it can sometimes be great to have a “work buddy,” that can more fully understand our joys and frustrations since they share our work space, it can become a crutch that is hard to replace when they move on or you do. Also, if things turn sour, that close friend at work can become a liability, knowing all of your opinions on your boss, your co-workers and the company. If you have others that are helping to meet your need for communication at home, in your personal life, at your church, at the gym, etc., you will be less dependent on that one work “soul mate.”
